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I think I’m going crazy. All these stories of triumph are getting to me. I can stand more failures, but the setups for failure are becoming slimmer and slimmer. He really REALLY shouldn’t have told me that. What a missed chance. Connection. Not like I really had a chance, but still. Now ill just look like an idiot in front of her. Ha, he has beaten me to the punch how many times now? Stay on target. Stay the course. Stay in your lane. Stay on your career. That’s the only thing that matters now. Don’t be smitten. Don’t mug yourself. Jobs will come, that’s the only guarantee Whenever I come home I half, maybe quarter expect someone to be here. This is the first time in 5 years that I’ve been alone for longer than a month. I expect someone to round that corner, just a hi, and then a sit on the futon. Watch tv. Complain about something. Think about something. Wish for something. Debate something. That’s just what I expect, not what I want. I guess I just miss staring into someones eyes. I miss caressing something. This fleece blanket just isn’t the same thing. Work makes me happy. If I could work all day, every day, that would solve everything, right? Cmon phone, ring damn you!!